Blow Dank Comics No. 125¢

The GreatTank Heist!

One raccoon. One unguarded tank. Zero plan.

  1. Meanwhile, at Fort Nowhere’s totally unguarded tank lot…

    A green tank parked behind a chain-link fence. A sign says No tank stealing, please. The guard booth sign says Back in 5 min. BACK IN 5 MIN NO TANK STEALING (please)

  2. It’s basically a big lawnmower. How hard can it be?

    Enter Ricky the Raccoon. The mask came standard.

    Close-up of Ricky, a raccoon in a bandit mask and a striped shirt, looking very confident.

  3. They were in the cupholder!!

    Step 1: find the keys.

    Ricky pops out of the tank hatch, holding up the keys. The engine goes KRAKOOM. KRAKOOM!

  4. Step 2: leave quietly.

    The tank smashes through the chain-link fence. POW! Fence posts fly everywhere. POW! VRRRRMMMM!!!

  5. Step 3: there was no step 3.

    The tank drives off into the sunset on an open road with Ricky waving from the hatch, past a sign reading Speed limit 45, tanks: whatever. SPEED LIMIT 45 TANKS: WHATEVER ZOOM!

    And that is why blowdank.com has a tank now. The end…?